replaced with a way better one

pakamakpakamak Posts: 153Member
edited April 2017 in Totally Not Guitars
replaced with a way better one..

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a
young man in a Prada suit, Gucci shoes, Dior sunglasses and D+G tie,
leans out the window and asks the shepherd: "If I tell you exactly how
many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers: "Sure. Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects
it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet,
where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix
on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans
the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within
seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been
processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database
through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex

He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a
few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-colour,
150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturised HP LaserJet printer, turns
to the shepherd and says: "You have exactly 1,586 sheep".

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep," says the
shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks
on amused as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car. Then the
shepherd says to the young man: "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says: "Okay, why
not?". "You're a consultant," says the shepherd. "Wow! That's correct,"
says the yuppie. "But how did you guess that?" "No guessing required,"
answers the shepherd. "You showed up here even though nobody called you,
you want to get paid for an answer I already knew to a question I never
asked, and you know eff-all about my business.

"Now give me back my dog."

[ 21 January 2004: Message edited by: pakamak ]


  • JonathanKuJonathanKu Posts: 340Member
    Aww, what was the one that began:
    A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they werespending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagneand began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his newwife asked, "Ewww what's ...
    ... as seen on "Today's Active Topics" page??? That looks like it could've been a good one
  • pakamakpakamak Posts: 153Member
    wasn't sure if slightly rude jokes would get edited, so i swapped it.

    but i'll risk it - its not very rude, but if it gets edited i'm sorry for any offence

    A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were
    spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne
    and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new
    wife asked, "Ewww what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all
    mangled and weird. Why are your feet so gross?" "I had tolio as a
    child," he answered. "You mean polio?" she asked. "No, tolio. The
    disease only affected my toes."

    The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued
    undressing. When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again
    wrinkled up her nose. "What's wrong with your knees?" she asked.
    "They're all lumpy and deformed!" "As a child, I also had kneasles," he
    explained. "You mean measles?" she asked. "No, kneasles. It was a
    strange illness that only affected my knees." The new bride had to be
    satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at
    last removed his underwear. Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess...
  • GuitarwolfGuitarwolf Posts: 1,987Member
    HEHE \:D

    Wolf ;\)
  • Options
    \:D very good!
  • Options
    The disease one was much better. \:D
  • Options
    Good ones \:\)

    I have one I might have to post up tomorrow.
  • Options
    Woooo \:\) The disease one was way better than the first one \:D Both rule though \:\)

Sign In or Register to comment.